There comes a time in all of our lives where we start to doubt that we are going to find true love and think to ourselves – is it all even worth it?
The motives of those mixed feelings are possibly linked with being betrayed, hurt and cheated on by someone you loved.
It all comes down to a linear pattern of emotions.
When someone hurts you, then you start to develop bitterness towards them which leads up to resentment and at the very end, there is a feeling of vengefulness.
These emotions, although not very rational, are natural and you shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling that way, but you also must learn to control your emotional side.
Today we are going to be talking about why you shouldn’t give up on love, how to get yourself out of the gutter and also tips on how to deal with all the bad situations you might be experiencing.
3 Reasons Why Not to Give up On Love
As we already said, first we are going to talk about why not to give up on love and now we are going to give you 3 important reasons which might help you understand why giving up isn’t your best solution.
There are more than these three reasons but we think that they are the most obvious ones which we want to point your attention to.
1. Everyone Needs Somebody to Love
Just think about it. Wouldn’t it be sad to spend your whole life not having anyone to give your love to?
We as humans are social beings and can hardly thrive without social contact and the relationships which stem from it.
When we are born, we have the love of our parents and siblings and we get emotionally attached to them right at the beginning.
Then, when we get a bit older and start going to school, we begin socializing with others and develop friendships, which at that age are less shallow than when we are adults.
Later, at around the age of 16 to 18 we start to become aware of the attraction we have for the opposite gender and we start to search for “true love”.
Of course, much of the “romantic” relationships we had as teens didn’t last very long, but they certainly taught us something about love – it’s not all about receiving but about giving as well.
The moral of the story is that if we don’t have anyone to give our love to, then we can’t expect to receive love as well.
2. Love is The Foundation of a Family
Psychologists say that there are 5 things which every person needs to live a happy life:
- Fulfilling career
- A family full of love
- Helpful and honest friends
- Good mental health
- Goal in life
It’s quite obvious that not all people have all of these things but if you have at least three things from this list, you can consider yourself a happy person.
On the other hand, you might look around yourself and see how everyone seems to be happily married and have great lovable families but that isn’t always the case.
Many modern families face one similar problem – a lack of love.
And this is because the “seed of love” which was once planted when a couple started dating and eventually got married isn’t properly “watered”.
From that seed of love stem the roots of a strong family and the flowers of caring, prosperity, health and good moral blooms.
And you have to admit that without a family, without children who will continue where you left off there isn’t much point in living because everything seems meaningless.
That’s why it’s important to start a family on a healthy foundation that lays on unconditional love, commitment, and stability.
Without love, getting married and starting a family is quite honestly pointless because the chances of that kind of relationship lasting are rather slim.
3. You Need to Love Yourself first to Love Others
If you don’t love yourself you won’t be capable of loving others and you won’t be able to maintain a relationship with anyone.
The same goes the other way around. If you have no one to love, you will feel bad about yourself and won’t have self-love.
That is the reason why loving someone is so crucial and also why you shouldn’t give up on a love that easily.
You need to work on yourself and develop emotional stability, self-confidence and communication skills so that you can engage other people and build relationships with them.
Once you establish those things, you will feel better about yourself and won’t lose hope in finding someone worth your time.
It won’t be an easy journey to become the person you want to be but it will all be well worth it once you get there.
8 Tips for Not Giving Up on Love
Now that we’ve briefly explained 3 reasons why you shouldn’t give up on life we can start giving you tips on what to do when you feel skeptical of love and try to encourage you to move forward.
1. Stop Doubting Yourself
As we already mentioned, you need to build confidence and the way you do it is by reassessing your personality.
Look back at your past relationships and figure out what went wrong but don’t blame yourself or your previous partner for the break-up.
Instead, you should think about how you can be a better partner in a future relationship and which things you can change about yourself and make you improve.
Maybe you weren’t the best partner for that person, or you were in a difficult period in your life and your ex-partner couldn’t handle it, anyway, don’t be hard on yourself.
Building self-confidence from the ground up is not an easy task but the best thing you can do is to move on and start from scratch.
Some activities which can help you to move on more quickly include:
- Taking up hobbies such as painting, hiking, cycling.
- Spending more time with your friends and family.
- Talking to someone who knows how you feel and can give you advice.
- Going out to meet other people.
You need to pursue some activities which will help you stop thinking about your bad break-up and past bad experiences.
Also, you should focus on your qualities, what you are looking for in a partner, and also what is your short-term and long-term goals in a relationship.
This way you will cut down on the time you are spending with people who seem like a potential match but aren’t “your cup of tea”.
2. Success is Transferable
What we mean by this is that if you think you aren’t successful in dating other people, maintaining relationships or even loving someone else, maybe you should start being successful in other things.
Start by being successful in your career, in your education, your passions and so on.
Once you start to see progress in those areas of your life, you will feel better and more confident about yourself and also be able to support your partner.
Focus on getting that dream job you’ve always wanted, or if you have it already, focus on getting to a higher position in your workplace.
Why is this important? Well, the answer is that being more dedicated at work will sharpen some positive traits which will help you be a better partner:
- Patience – Working with other people and being able to maintain great communication with them requires a lot of patience, and patience is also a crucial skill to have in any relationship.
- Tolerance – Being able to accept people for who they are or at least tolerate them will help you to maintain good relationships with your colleagues as well as with your partner.
- Progression – Every job position requires you to make progress and being able to be innovative when there is a problem on the way, this is a key trait to have when maintaining a relationship.
Even though your career is all about your prosperity and being a great co-worker doesn’t correlate to being a good partner, you can develop important things to help you in a relationship.
This also is true for your academic performance.
Being a great student and giving your all for your academic achievements will not only make you well educated and an expert in certain subjects but also a more dependable and reliable person.
Moreover, universities teach us how to be disciplined and how to manage our time, and although discipline sometimes can’t help you in a relationship, time-management sure can.
All in all, success in any aspect of life can be transferable to other aspects as well and will help you become more confident in yourself and less doubtful of love.
3. Enjoy Being Single
Rather than being miserable after a break-up, wrapping yourself up into a blanket and binge-watching the new Game of Thrones season, you should enjoy this time in your life.
I know that being single isn’t that great and we all feel like we deserve constant attention, but there are also great things about being single like:
- Being able to pursue your passions.
- Being less depending on others and more dependable to them.
- Having some alone time to think about yourself.
- Being more dedicated to your career, education, family, health, etc.
And you have to be real with yourself – you can’t manage to do all these things while in a full-fledged, long-term, every-day relationship.
There’s a big difference between being single and being alone.
And, because people can’t differentiate between the two, they tend to be scared of being single or entering a new relationship just to end up single again.
It’s a never-ending loop that isn’t easily broken.
But, if you use the time while you are single to work on your self-development, you will see significant improvements.
You might even start enjoying being single and end up not wanting to go into a relationship (the human Ego is a mysterious mechanism), but that is not what your aim should be.
You should aim at being a stable person both single and also in a relationship, and stability is one of the most important pillars of love.
4. Knowing what you’re looking for in a Partner
Once you decide to take up meeting other people again, you should think real hard about what you are looking for in a partner.
And the typical mistake everyone makes when looking for someone to love is that they want someone who can complete them.
This is at the very beginning bad because no one can complete other than you.
That’s why you need someone who can complement you, rather than complete you.
Because wanting someone to complete you implies that you are incomplete and being incomplete means that you expect from the other person to fix your problems.
So, instead of searching for someone who will help you carry your burden, try looking for someone who won’t be a burden for you, but rather an asset.
5. Being Passive vs. Being Dominant
We aren’t all the same and we all have different traits, but similar to being an introvert or an extrovert, the majority of us are either passive or dominant in the relationship.
Of course, the scale of dominance comes to a degree, so no one is completely passive or completely dominant, but some characteristics are quite obvious.
For instance, a passive partner is more agreeable than a dominant one and this is best observed when a couple decides where they want to go to dinner.
A passive partner will agree on whatever the more dominant partner suggests and there won’t be any argument between them.
Two passive partners wouldn’t even care where they went to dinner and one might end up not liking it so a conflict could emerge.
On the other hand, two dominant partners would never reach an agreement and would find themselves not enjoying a peaceful dinner but rather bickering about one being a more control freak than the other.
As you can see, being more passive or more dominant isn’t a bad thing because it fits rather well in the overall dynamics of a relationship.
Of course, there are some extreme cases where passivity can turn into a lack of emotions and the dominance of a rise in the need for control over the other partner.
And because of that, it is very important to have good communication and not let each other fall into those extremes.
To sum it up, you need to figure out if you are a passive or a more dominant partner and look for a partner who can compliment you and not just pour more fuel in the fire.
6. Knowing How to Express Your Emotions
As you can already guess, emotions play an important part of any romantic relationship and are the fuel of love.
Many relationships end badly because one or even both partners don’t know how to control their emotions and catastrophe strikes without warning.
The most common emotions and bad traits which ruin healthy relationships are:
- Too much vulnerability
- Lack of trust
The list can stretch across the Chinese wall, but there’s no point in bumming you out with all these negative emotions and we’ll just briefly explain those that we’ve mentioned.
Vulnerability is a double-edged sword.
You should be able to show your vulnerable side to your partner but not drown them into sorrow also and respect that they can’t just listen about your problems all day.
If you start envying your partner because they are more successful or make more money than you, then your partner should be a nurse from a mental institution.
Jealousy, although sometimes rational, is also a sign that you lack trust in your partner and you don’t want to be with someone you don’t trust.
Being skeptical and cynical about your relationship is a red light at the very beginning and it means that you’re not happy how things are going.
Do yourself and your partner a favor and end the relationship before one of you gets hurt.
Lastly, melancholy can occur when a relationship starts to feel bland and it’s more of a routine than a real relationship.
While the feeling of melancholy is common, you should think of ways to spice up your relationship and try to overcome this feeling.
As you can see these emotions aren’t easy to control and some are virtually unmanageable, but you need to find a way to deal with them and focus on the positive emotions you have for your partner.
Always show some emotions but don’t be too emotional at the very beginning, instead try to balance things out by listening to your partner and see what he or she feels as well.
7. Knowing the Difference between Passion and Love
Every love story begins with passion, but as that fiery passion starts to dim out, you will start to feel like you were just blind about who your partner is.
In more extreme cases, you might even feel like you were tricked and that your partner pretended to be someone who he or she isn’t.
Although that might be true, you can’t blame either of you for that because people, mostly in their teens or 20s don’t know the difference between passion and love.
And this is due to the feeling you get when you meet someone you like a lot.
You start to feel nervous and even anxious, but once you start a relationship with them you feel like you’re on the top of the world.
This passion is very strong, and your emotions are always mixed. The same goes for your partner.
Buddhists say that when you meet your soul-mate that you will feel calm and they may be on to something.
Because if you think of it this way, if you meet someone who you feel relaxed around right at the very moment, that might be a sign that you’ve met someone special.
One funny but a non-ironic quote I saw on Pinterest the other day says that passion is for boys and love is for men and I believe that it might be true.
Of course, everyone needs to go through the “passion” stage to understand what true love really is and it will always be a game of trial and error until you finally meet your soulmate.
8. Take it Easy
Our last tip is maybe the most important one.
You aren’t on a time limit and you aren’t falling behind on anything.
Use the time you have on this Earth to become a better person, but not for anyone else rather for your own sake.
Once you make some improvements, dip your feet into the water and see how it goes, if you get hurt again, just rinse and repeat.
Life is short and some relationships don’t last even a month let alone years so why should you invest your whole self into them.
You will find someone worth having a family with and worth living for and it can happen so unexpectedly that you will laugh at your former self for being so dramatic over the whole situation.
So just relax, take it easy and don’t try to rush anything, do everything one step at a time.
To conclude, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t give up on love and a lot of things you can do to better prepare yourself for a romantic relationship.
Love isn’t just about having someone who sleeps next to you in the bed or goes out to dinner with you, but rather about the good and the bad things which two people go through and overcome together.
I would like to finish this article with a quote from a poem by the famous poet and writer – Shakespeare:
“Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”